Ever Wondered Why Women are attracted to the ‘Bad Boy’ Personality?

“There is a split between love for men they see as good, dependable and reliable, and desire for men they see as exciting, reckless, and dangerous…bad boys.”   - Anonymous

Peter Jonason of New Mexico University conducted a study of 200 male college students to determine why narcissists, risk-seekers and liars have not been made extinct due to their undesirable traits. What he found was astonishing.

Apparently, he found out that most women want self-obsessed, lying psychopaths for partners.  Men with these traits had more sexual partners and a greater desire for short-term hookups.

Now, wait a minute . . . . . we are here for answers, not to criticize the personality that thousands of guys are desperate to adopt; the very personality that seems to make women feel “on top of the world”.

You don’t need a spiritualist to tell you who they are or what they look like. From local and international celebrities, to your very next door neighbor, men with the “bad boy” traits are well known in our society.

The average bad boy has certain traits that make the society see him for what he is. But, before we can fully understand why these complex beings called “females” are attracted to these personality, we have to understand the psychology behind the average bad boy.

Bad boys are devilishly charming, at least most of them. They have this aura around them that gives them the ability to suck out the oxygen in any room and get the ladies staring till their eyes literally fall out.

Bad boys are confident. I mean that kind of confidence where they can stare into your eyes without blinking. This trait gives them the power to tell lies to your face without flinching and get out of tight situations without looking guilty.

Another trait is independence. I can’t really call them “principled”, but bad boys like to stand on their own and make decisions regardless of how it affects others. They really don’t give a damn what you think and they don’t care who they upset to meet their objectives, so long as it favors them alone.

Bad boys are more like control freaks. They are very possessive.  They like to play the “alpha male” in every group, brag about what they’ve got and be the center of attraction in every social gathering or function. They don’t take ‘no’ for an answer, and they certainly don’t share their “prized” possessions with anyone. Not ever!

Bad boys are risk-takers in their own right. They can fight for what is theirs (and what is not theirs), and can make the other guy look silly just to get the girl. They do not spend time trying to analyze the situation they just “go with the flow”.

Another trait exhibited by these trouble makers is spontaneity. Bad boys are very spontaneous. They are fun lovers and seekers. They love to do the things women can only dream about or read in books, no matter how twisted it may sound. It’s a trait every woman would desire to see in her man, because it is as though the man knows exactly what goes on in their heads, knows what they need without saying the words and gives them without objections.

However, not every bad boy possesses these traits, as most bad boys rely on their bank accounts to get any lady they so desire. But, it is important to note that one or more of these traits must be present in every guy with bad boy personality.

This is true, because most ladies will definitely get bored of a guy who has enough money to throw around, but does not possess the “genes” of the bad boy she’s been dreaming about. Money is definitely not everything.

It should be understood here, that I am not in any way trying to give the “bad boy” personality some credit. The average bad boy only represents the fantasies of most women who desire men that can give them that confidence they need to express their darkest desires without fear of the consequences.  

In the end, a bad boy refuses to be tied to one woman, so he will continue seek pleasure in others. Some will let their possessive attitude turn them into living nightmares. Some will continue to play with the hearts of unsuspecting females, because the fun is way too much to ignore. Others will physically and emotionally abuse women, because they believe they are too indispensable for any woman to live without.

The “bad boy” personality is simply a personality. Every man will get tired of playing that role, and find a responsible woman to settle down with, while every woman will shrug off their thirst for a bad boy, and settle for a “real man”.

Food for thought…….

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What Nigerians Must Learn From The Capture of the Second Boston Bombing Suspect

After hours of breath-taking manhunt for the teenage suspect in the Boston Marathon bombings, Dzhokhar Tsarnaev has been caputred. The Police said they exchanged gunfire with Dzhokhar Tsarnaev, 19, after cornering him in Watertown, near Boston. He was found hiding in a boat in a surbuban homeowner's backyard, looking injured.

It was a night of celebration for the people of Boston, as they can finally sleep better at night, knowing that the passionate, patriotic men and women of the Boston Police Department will always be there to guarantee their safety.

The search is over, but the sad memories of the bomb attack, the deaths of three innocent Americans, the injuries forced on hundreds of others, the adrenaline rush, the gunfights, the destruction of properties, and the unrelentless hunt for the culprits of the dastardly acts for the past of few days will forever linger in the heart of many.

US President Barack Obama has commended  the efforts of law enforcers and Bostonians, saying, ''Tonight, our nation is in debt to the people of Boston. They all worked as they should as a team''. He has ordered a full investigation into the reasons why men who grew up and studied as part of the community resorted to violence.

While Anzor Tsarnaev, father of slain Tamerlan and captured Dzhokhar, believes it was a terrorist attack carefully organised by secret services he is not certian of (in his words, he claims his son used to go to a mosque, so they once paid us a visit to ask why he is doing that.), Ruslan Tsarni, an uncle of the suspects who lives in Maryland, said he was "ashamed" at his nephews' alleged role in the bombings.

What do we really know about these men?. Dzhokhar, 19, was awarded a scholarship to pursue further education; he wanted to become a brain surgeon, according to his father.Tamerlan, 26, was an amateur boxer who had reportedly taken time off college to train for a competition; he described himself as a "very religious" non-drinker and non-smoker.

The elder brother comes across less social, not quite fitting into American life or making friends. As he is seven years older, could it be that he drew his younger sibling into his own world in which he seemed to be exploring radical Islamist ideology?.

The attack may not have been extreme like September 11 attacks, but it was seen as a threat to every breathing American, and the government unleashed on only two men its mostly deadly and unrelenting agents to ensure that justice is served cold. That is a government willing to do anything to ensure that every American can sleep well at night.

What have Nigerians learnt about the intense week Americans have gone through?. We have become a country where religious and tribal disasters have made enemies out of friends, ignorance has made its bed into the hearts of many, government has done little to ensure the safety and well-being of its citizens and parents do very little to bring up their children in the right way.

When will our intelligence services and police force set up to the challenge in the hunt for those who seek to destroy what's left our unity?. When will every tribe learn to trust and love one another?. When will parents put more efforts into bringing up their children in the right way so that their future will be bright?. When will the government stop being cowardly and ensure that Nigerians gain their trust again?. When will the youth open their eyes and kick ignorance and hate from their hearts?

Talk is cheap. Action will always speak louder than words even if the largest public address system was utilised. It is said that a word is enough for those wise enough to listen. Have we learnt anything at all?

Contentment

Be thankful for what you have ; you will end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough.  -Oprah Winfrey

At one time or the other, we must have heard stories of people who got what they needed. But, because it wasn’t enough for them, they rip apart their dignity in order to get whatever they desire. No matter the scenario, the ends always remain the same: they realize too late that they have been chasing shadows, setting the paths to their destruction and hurting anyone who dared to stand in between them and their desires.

Contentment is simply the state of being satisfied. Although, any individual views contentment as closely related to a person’s level of satisfaction with his/her life, but the idea of contentment is certainly intertwined in the concept of what makes people happy.

What do happy people do to be content in life? How can one achieve contentment? What does it really take for one to be truly happy?. How can one make so much money in order to be happy?. Does money bring happiness?. The questions on the minds of the youth are endless when it comes to contentment, because unlike others, some teenagers and growing adults do not know what they want out of life.

Why are people so full of discontent?.  This question may seem hard to answer, but the answer lies in our everyday lives. Many men and women, young and old, have always known discontent in their lives right from infancy. While some never did take ‘no’ for an answer, others have grown accustomed to getting whatever they want; a larger group have been denied a great deal of needs due to their family’s struggling finances and have made it a do-or-die affair to get whatever they want at all costs.

Every individual has a general idea of the things that bring happiness, and finally, contentment. For some individuals (mostly matured adults), reaching goals that are important to them and that are in alignment with personality, can contribute to their feelings of confidence and mastery. But, investing energy in avoiding goals will contribute to diminishing happiness as well as deter one from reaching one’s goals.

Looking through scientist’s perspective, it will be hard to accept that there is a strong relationship between happiness and genes. A genetic set point has been inherited by every living person and even though people may fluctuate from that set point, based on the experiences they may encounter (positive or negative), they will come back to that level of happiness that they are genetically predisposed to having.

The idea about achieving happiness and contentment is the one most common amongst our youth. Ask any teenager or young adult, and they will utter the five letter word: money. Many people strongly associate ‘bar’ or ‘doe’ (the slangs used to refer to money by young Nigerians) with happiness, and they believe that being rich will contribute greatly to making them happier.

But, besides the fact that basic needs are met, money has a very small impact on happiness and very few people realize this. This is so, because, money has no effect on happiness once a certain income level has been reached. It can buy lots of things, but it can neither re-create life, nor buy true love and happiness.

In order to be truly contented, you have to accept where you are today and live in the present, rather than wish for what was, or what could be. Don’t get stuck in the dreams so that you can embrace what you have today.

Another thing to note, is adopting the act of being grateful. For someone who has food to eat, clothes on his/her back, somewhere to spend the night, and most importantly, a family that loves you very much, you are better off than millions of people all over the world.

Happy and contented people have no problem of taking responsibility for their own actions. They do things to the best of their ability, and live their lives to the best of their knowledge. They also value the connections with family and true friends, and stay away from bad company.

Happy and contented people do not waste their time trying to keep up with everybody else!.  Life is not a competition, and very few people care about trying to be better than others just to draw attention to them. They have learned the act of being satisfied with what they have.

Finally, there is nothing more satisfying than living out your faith and being true to yourself. Worshipping your creator in the best way you know how can actually put you at peace with yourself, and achieve contentment. Never forget that happiness is a state of mind. Things don’t bring happiness; even the wealthy shed tears. With contentment, comes a better life. 

Examine your life and ask yourself. Are you truly contented?

You & The Society: Whose Standards/Values Are You Living Up to?

It’s not vanity to feel you have a right to be beautiful. Women are taught to feel we’re not good enough, that we must live up to someone else’s standards. But, my aim is to cherish myself as I am.                                      -Elle Macpherson

Jumoke, a 17 year old student of a prestigious university in Nigeria, struggles to fit into the new community she finds herself. From the outside, she is that ‘hottie’ that draws a lot of attention to her by the guys. But on the inside, she is a troubled soul who has been taught that she always has to take the appearance of the latest music celebrity if she is to ‘fit in’.

Emeka, already into his third year, is better known as the ‘scholar’ in his department. Sought after by the ladies and guys trying to meet the pass mark, he has been forced to watch every action or decision he makes now that he is under the microscope of the school board.

Ever since Rahim became the love of Funmi’s life, he has been transformed from the unknown customer service officer of a 3^rd generation bank, to the fiancé of an award winning pop star trailed endlessly by the local media across the state. With his new status, he is constantly criticized by Funmi’s wealthy parents who do not think he’s good enough for their only daughter, and a society that will hang him to dry at the slightest of mistakes.

The most confusing question is, why are people so concerned about living up to the standards/values of others?. There are so many pressures on us to conform; to change ourselves in order to satisfy the social thirst of the immediate community, or to win over the hearts of persons of interest. But, when you think you are making your own priorities straight, chances are you are being influenced by a lot of external pressures.

Do you often find yourself looking in the mirror trying to ensure that a dressing error doesn’t cost you social suicide?. Ever had to appear like Nicki Minaj or your guys won’t flock around you like birds?. Have you ever been humiliated in the public for being unable to speak Queen English, or had to think a million times before you utter your next sentence?.

The problems with trying to live up to the standards of the society are many. Problems such as peer pressure, getting ridiculous attention from carrying out the demands of the society, family pressure, etc are the major problems faced by every individual trying to live life as it comes. 

What these problems have in common is that no matter how hard you try, it will eventually dawn on you that it can never be enough. You can’t possibly please everybody and you should not keep trying to. When your colleagues prioritize getting ahead at all costs regardless of the traumatizing consequences, what happens to your values of honesty, kindness, and mutual respect?.

In conclusion, you have to sit down and ask yourself if the time has come for you to cut the apron strings. Ask yourself if you are prepared to focus on your goals and stop others from influencing every decision you have to make; because when you adopt the values which aren’t really the ones you had prioritized, it changes you and affects those close to your heart negatively.

Are you living up to your own standards or the standards of the society?.